I Belong to myself
Disclaimer
The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.
I have been on a quest to understand myself for as long as I can remember. Trauma is what spurred this mazzy search for myself. I understood, even as a young child, that I had to develop an intimate relationship with myself. People come and go. Sometimes, the biological family you are born into ; you will not know them by the time you are in your mid-20’s. They are a memory, sometimes a nightmare. Distant distant distant. It is for the best. Not meant to be forever. Everything changes. What is birthed must also die, in one way or another.
Beginning with one family; stepping into another family; only to see and feel and finally realize their own brand of Dysfunction and Denial. Justifying their criticisms, stating, it is for my own good, for my growth. Ignoring their own accountability for what they brought into the relationship.
Fuck that shit.
I make no room for people who believe they have a right to claim their supposed superiority over me.
Fuck that shit.
For years, I was achingly aware that I was hanging by a thread. Not feeling like I belong anywhere. Feeling like a burden no matter what. For years, I tried being “good”, not flinching when they stepped on my toes. I was afraid my pain would be too much for them. Turns out, they really didn’t care.
Through all of those experiences and more…I have come to understand that I belong to myself. Through all of the foggy confusion, the searing pain, the loneliness and the will to carry on. I belong to myself. I know myself. I trust myself. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. All of the Inner Work I am dedicated to ; has a very big pay off. I get to live authentically. I get to create a life that is in alignment with my values and desires. None of this comes for free or without effort. It takes Discipline. It takes Will.
This past Sunday was my very last online cohort meeting with Headspace. I have completed the mental health coaching training. Yay!!! I feel very proud. Finishing this program highlights that I am at the precipice of a brand new chapter. I am so excited and so grateful. At this moment I feel very much In Love with Life and the World. Sooooo looking forward to meeting new people, going to new places and having newer, joyous adventures.
Some songs I listened to while writing this:
Smalltown Boy…..Bronski Beat
The Perfect Girl…..Mareux
Love Surrounds You…..Ramsey
Sway…..So Below
