healing portal
Disclaimer
The information on this blog is not intended as a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This blog is intended for informational purposes only. Any health concern must be assessed by a doctor or another licensed and/or certified clinician.
On 5/5/2024 I decided to participate in an energy portal. I have been working with portals since February of this year. Every single time I work with portal energy I always learn more about myself and my abilities. This particular portal focused on healing the divine feminine energy and mother wounding. When I became aware that those were the themes for this portal, I groaned inwardly ; more mother shit. For over a year, I have been laser focused on doing inner child healing. A lot of mother and father wounding and healing is involved. Initially, I wasn’t looking forward to this ritual because my main thought about my mother wounding was, “I just want to be done with this. Why does this require so much fucking work?!”. To say I felt burnt out on focusing on parental wounds is an understatement.
On 5/5, in the evening, I went outside to my backyard and laid down on the ground. I imagined magenta and golden light streaming straight into my heart center. I acknowledged the dried up, desert parts of my heart ; the specific wounding there. Every time my mothers discounted my experience, blamed and shamed me for existing as me, manipulating and gaslighting to get me to do what they had on their agendas. So much neglect, loneliness, resentment baked into my heart that transcended many, many lifetimes. I imagined the magenta and golden healing rays streaming straight into my heart and providing the much needed sustenance ; turning the desert parts of my heart into lush, green, thriving revitalization. I stayed with this visualization for about ten minutes. It felt a lot longer than that. After the portal ritual, I knew I had to journal about my experience but I was not interested in writing that evening. The next morning, I jotted down my thoughts after contemplating more about that experience.
The following is what I wrote to all of my mothers I have ever had in every life I have ever lived:
I understand why motherhood was difficult for you. I wish we had a safe, connected, loving relationship where you stepped into the role of a parental leader with curiosity and grace. But that did not happen. I now understand, at soul level, we chose each other to learn lessons for our own, individual learning and growth. I wish you well in all of your endeavors.
While journaling and staying inward ; I thought about all of the people who have ever confided in me their deepest fears and realities when it came to Family. While working with people who have experienced so much familial pain and wounding and understanding the many reasons why so many parents and families are set up to fail their children ; experiencing this kind of pain as a systemic issue has helped to illuminate my own dark, shadow aspects of my personality and my experience for this particular incarnation.
Healing…it’s a motherfuckin’ process.
Some songs I listened to while writing this:
Dark Necessities—Red Hot Chili Peppers
Something In The Way—Nirvana
Down With The Sickness—Disturbed
The Sound Of Silence—Disturbed
Way down We Go—KALEO
Colours—GROUPLOVE
